No Matter How Hard You Try to Connect, You Are Constantly Feeling Hurt and Unloved
Therapy for family estrangement and going no contact in Ann Arbor and all throughout Michigan
You have even joked (with tears in your eyes) that you were switched at birth or born into the wrong family.
Instead of being fun, birthdays and holidays spent with family are something you dread and need to heal from afterwards…
You just got the text saying “We’re getting together at 2pm next Saturday” and you find yourself wishing you were out of the country that day. Other people don’t get it or understand. They think it’s nice your family wants to see you.
But, you think back to all the previous holidays. The fighting. The yelling. The triangulation and the tension. Your body filled with so much stress that you get stomach aches, heartburn and headaches. You end up crying and shouting to yourself while driving home, promising yourself you won’t go next time. You’ll stay home next time. Yet, somehow you’re constantly pulled back into it…
Not to mention the “gifts” which seem to be prioritized by them over actual connection. You spend so much time selecting personalized gifts for your family, while your gift (if you even get one) not only feels like they don’t know you at all, but seems like they kind of hate you and it must be a gag gift.
You’re expected to feel grateful and say thank you for the forced invite. But, you just want to escape and not even go this time. You find yourself wishing that you could skip it or even do something different that you can actually will look forward to and enjoy…what a concept, right? Spoiler Alert: you can!
If you relate to holidays and special days being filled with dread and toxicity rather than joyous celebration, you are in the right place.
While this whole experience can feel so lonely (and scary) to navigate, I am with you boo! I get it and I’m here to help you.
You’re ready to stop making decisions based on fear, obligation and guilt.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO CHOOSE WHAT FEELS BEST TO YOU, ALIGNED WITH YOUR VALUES, COMFORT AND WELL BEING
You Are Allowed to Choose Yourself
You do not need to tolerate constant disrespect or stay trapped in toxic patterns just because they are “family”.
Is FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) keeping you stuck in unhealthy environments? Adults who wish they could distance themselves from their toxic families often make decisions based on fear, obligation or guilt.
It is time to start making decisions that honor your values, peace and well-being.
Fear-based decisions are rooted in anxiety over the fallback or negative consequences after doing what you wish you could do.
Obligation-based decisions are rooted in expectation and traps of what you have been taught you “should” do.
Guilt-based decisions are rooted in feeling bad or shameful for doing what you really want to do.
Rather than making decisions based on fear, obligation or guilt, I will help you to align your choices and actions with your values and what is most comfortable and fulfilling for you. We can navigate any situation together so you feel supported and comfortable with your choices each step of the way.
Therapy for family estrangement can help you…
Communicate more effectively with your family and improve your connection moving forward
Speak your truth and set boundaries to honor yourself and your needs
Navigate going no contact if needed to protect your peace
Handle special days like birthdays, holidays, and even hard days like funerals
Heal from decades of neglect or abuse so you can live your best life moving forward, filled with peace and happiness
Stop surviving and actually enjoy your life
But, They’re Your Family…
Debunking Myths and Critical Fear Mongering
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Nope…far from it! Most people who make the hard decision to distance from toxic family have bent over backwards trying to connect and show love with the hope of one day being treated well in return. You do not have to keep tolerating disrespect. You deserve love and respect as well.
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Sure, it’s easy for them to smile and make pleasantries in public. Other people (even close friends, neighbors or extended family members) have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Other people get the masked and dressed up version of your family while they take all of their frustration and anger out on you and you are tired of it.
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Hardly! You are extremely loving and you have gone through years of being hurt, abused, neglected, gaslit, minimized, and overlooked. Your intuition is on point. Your feelings matter and your experience is valid.
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While that may be true, if your family members are constantly making you feel unloved, disrespected, and stressed to the point of chronic depression, you can create your own chosen family. You deserve to spend your time with people who genuinely love and appreciate you and who make you feel good when you are around them.
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This is likely coming from people who have had an argument here and there with their family members, but overall have a healthy and loving relationship.
They think that because they personally would be lost without their family that you must have the same experience.
Yet, the harsh reality is that sometimes a funeral is a relief rather than a loss. You likely have grieved the loss of a relationship you wish you had with them (and never did) a long time ago.
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Wrong! This has likely been on your mind long before “it was cool”. Family members have distanced from each other long before social media existed. It’s just more talked about now than ever before. While this awareness can feel validating and even give you “permission” to do what is right for you, no one pushes people into it. In fact, it is often a very difficult decision that you go back and forth with over years. You get to decide what is best for you without criticism or judgment clouding your choices.
As your therapist, I have no agenda. What you want is what I want for you and I will support you no matter what you choose. Even if you go back and forth a billion times, I will support you and follow your lead every step of the way. This is not easy and you are not alone. I am here with you.